There are times when you need to make decisions which could shape your future. Those are the times we try to imagine the different lives those decisions would lead us to and asking ourselves about endless what-ifs. A perfect life would be after ten or twenty years, you would look back into the past and you have no regrets for the things you have done in the past. It's never just about how successful you are or how much money you have earned for money is not always the measurement for happiness. Life can be simple yet you are contented and have no regrets.
Frankly speaking, if I continue doing whatever I am doing right now, 10 years from now on, if Blogger were to survive till then, most probably I would be writing about how regretful I am, for the life I have chosen in the present.
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
I have not had the motivation to drive me doing basically everything lately. A good example is that I gave up my 360 Days an entry a day plan because I was not determined for committing myself for such a determination demanding plan. That's basically the truth and I would not give any excuses saying I am busy and lack of spare time to write entries or whatsoever.
Things have been rather different lately. After the exams in July, I have been having the feeling of losing my sense of direction. Frankly speaking, I have not been having the drive and sense of direction ever since I have gotten what I had wanted which I had spent years in school achieving the only goal at that time. After having my goal achieved, I have been having a rather overly smooth and monotonous path all this while. As the result, my determination has gone flabby. The lack of motivation in life has further driven it under free fall all the way down into a deemed endless pit.
There was once, not too long ago, I thought I have found something which I could hang on to and slowly climb back up to where I started to fall. Hope could sometimes be deceiving. A false hope can be disastrous.
Just when I thought I could climb back up to where I was and perhaps go even further up to the peak, the rope which I hanged on to was already worn out. It was just a matter of time for the rope to break. Finally, it did and it has not taken long. A hope can promote positive thinking but when it fails it gives back 2 times more damaging effect.
The feeling that I had when the rope broke, as if my soul were experiencing a sudden change of movement, in physics we call it inertia, at the very moment when the fall began, and my body was pulled by the gravitational force downwards back to the deemed bottomless black pit, but my soul wanted to remain at the moment when I was, drenched with sweats of high hope and spirit, in the effort of climbing back up.
As time passes, I realize our life is never an equation with constants, there are always variables which come into the play and variables do what they do best, they vary. Although sometimes i would rather believe things can be perfect and remain forever the same. That's because at the absence of hope, a false hope can sometimes be very comforting at the time when we need hope the most. It moves people forward, even though the end of the path might just be a dead end.